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It’s like the philosopher Slavoj Zizek once wrote: “everyone is a pervert because what seems normal to someone might be considered bizarre by others”, which is why sex toys are never too ridiculous.
Sex toys can be “omg” fun, but also “haha” fun and that is part of the joy. When sharing that hilarious sex toy link with a friend or a partner, we partake in the jubilations of teenage-like tittering but also find directions in a wonderful world of hidden alleyways related to the pleasures of the flesh. It is a communal thing, even. You share a laugh now, might share an orgasm later.
These seductive plastic babies have more uses than a rubber duck in the bathtub, they are more intriguing than Donald Trump’s hair, better at their job than Elon Musk is at ranting on Twitter. Sex toys are really the invisible glue that holds us together as a society.
From necklace vibrators and dildos with a built-in camera to fisting equipment, sex toys are for-play – yes, puns galore over here – and we have found the most exciting items available on the web for you to laugh at or with.
Young or old, single or otherwise, for a laugh or for real, sex toys are a reminder that life is good which is why we have compiled the 35 quirkiest sex toys available online:
1. Magic Ball
I was going to explain how it works but it’s quite intuitive.
2. Duck with a dick
Yes, you read that right. Do what you will with that information.
3. Corn-shaped Dildo
Vegan and vegetarian-friendly.
4. Hairy Realistic 3D Pocket Pussy
This toy is featured in our list simply because of its absolute lack of realism and utmost ugliness. No judgements to anyone but the manufacturers. It’s not too expensive, though, which might make it suddenly that bit more appealing.
5. Vibrator with built-in camera
Portable toy with a built-in camera at the end of the shaft if you want your partner to really (really) know you from the inside out.
6. Pinwheel
These spikes are for sensation play or proper kinky stuff, i.e. you can choose fifty shades of grey or what fifty shades of grey dreams to become when it grows up.
7. Inflatable Anal Plug
Not for medical purposes. Unless you want to play doctor.
8. Reusable Condom
Just, please, promise you will never ever forget to wash it, yeah? Ever.
9. Chin Strap-on or The Accommodator
Mum! Look at me without the hands!
10. Dueling Dicks
For some, a party gag. For others, a masterpiece.
11. Cactus Dildo
Not as spikey as you would think since it’s made of silicon.
12. Glow in the dark dildo
Never again shall I lose my dildo in the dark!
13. Magic Hand Dildo
The fisting is real.
14. Vibrator Necklace
A vibrator as a necklace. That is a statement piece, alright.
15. Happy rabbit anal plug
An anal plug to go with that black top you just bought!
16. Chastity Ring
Not necessarily a sex toy but, rather, an “anti-sex” toy. This baby is made of stainless steel which doesn’t rust. After all, nobody here would want a rusty chastity ring.
17. Clitoris vibrator
The reviews say this needs a whole lotta lube.
18. Confetti Dildo
For festive days that deserve a bit of confetti.
19. Oral sex candy
Delicious fizzy, popping, bursting and exploding oral candy, they said. Oral sex candy doesn’t make you gain weight, they said.
20. Silver fox tail butt plug
The expression “silver fox” never meant so much and so little at the same time.
21. Wolf muzzle masturbation sleeve
Working your way into the mouth, the inside is soft, the tongue and throat are textured. The website says this will get you ‘howling’. Yes, howling.
22. Candy heart butt plug
This is unlikely to be sweet.
23. Eggplant emoji dildo
A bulbous plant of the nightshade family of plants, eggplants are used in many delicious dishes around the world. And to represent penises online.
To read more about the best things in life, have a look at our 23 Reminders that everyone should read in their 20s.
