Are You Being Tracked By Microchips In Your Cheese?


Prepare to be shocked as a bizarre conspiracy theory takes an unexpected turn into reality! A wave of paranoia is sweeping through the internet, fueled by the jaw-dropping revelation that the government might be using microchips hidden in cheese to track unsuspecting individuals. What seemed like a wild conspiracy is not entirely baseless, and the truth is stranger than fiction.

Screenshots making the rounds on social media claim that Italian cheese makers are embedding microchips in their massive 90-pound Parmesan wheels to combat counterfeit products. Brace yourself for a headline that seems ripped from a dystopian thriller: “Next Time You Buy Parmesan, Watch Out for the Microchip,” supposedly from The Wall Street Journal.

Conspiracy theorists are now connecting the dots, suggesting that these edible microchips could be a covert surveillance tool once consumed. Shocked reactions flood online forums, with one person exclaiming, “Just, why edible microchips? That’s shady AF.” Others speculate that the cheese industry has taken an extreme measure, opting to microchip the populace rather than cracking down on cheese counterfeiters.

In a shocking twist, the alleged headline and story from The Wall Street Journal are confirmed to be real. Italian cheese makers are, indeed, inserting microchips into their cheese to combat counterfeiting. However, the reality is not as ominous as conspiracy theorists would have you believe.

Firstly, a single microchip is used for each massive 90-pound cheese wheel. Unless you’re planning to consume an astronomical amount of cheese, your next slice is unlikely to contain any microchips.

Secondly, these microchips are minuscule, measuring the size of a grain of sand, and are embedded into the cheese’s food-safe casein label. Companies and restaurants use laser readers to scan the wheel’s unique serial ID, ensuring its authenticity when purchasing.

Furthermore, the microchips are edible, putting to rest the fantastical notion of government agents tracking individuals through cheese consumption. The idea of someone scanning a minuscule chip inside your digestive system with a laser reader is not only far-fetched but also impractical, especially when easier tracking methods like smartphones are readily available.

The company responsible for the chips, Chicago-based p-Chip, clarifies that tracking individuals after ingestion is impossible. Chief Technology Officer Bill Eibon reassures the public, stating, “We don’t want to be known as the company accused of tracking people. I ate one of the chips, and nobody is tracking me, except my wife, and she uses a different method.”

So, cheese lovers, fear not! Your favorite snack may have a high-tech twist, but the government won’t be following your every move through your Parmesan consumption. Enjoy your cheese with newfound awareness, as reality proves once again to be stranger than even the wildest conspiracy theories.