We’ve all been there. We adore them but they can drive us nuts sometimes. The constant calling ‘mum’ – do they even know my name? – the resistance to undertake basic human needs such as eating or bathing (surely they’ll get hungry one day but what if they die before that!), the random fits and tantrums. It’s all a bit much and we all need a break sometimes.
This is why we have come up with 25 parenting hacks to stop you giving away the children. Close that adoption agency window, please, you don’t need to give them away – at least not yet. You can use a disconnected video game controller so they think they’re playing the hardest game on Earth instead of bothering you. No need to call the relatives to pick them up yet, just use cardboard to keep them from fighting in the car. Forget about letting them go malnourished, just chop some apples in the shape of fries.
For those parents who are on the edge, overburdened, sleep-deprived and approaching breakdown point, here are 25 parenting hacks to stop you giving away the children.
1. Cardboard to keep them from fighting
2. Here, sweetheart, have a Pepsi that’ll make your cold symptoms magically disappear.
3. “I’m going to see my favourite band playing next year no matter what happens”
4. No, baby, it’s not water it’s invisible paint!
5. One fitted sheet a day keeps the sand way
6. From old cot to baby work spot
7. Hide the candies where they belong: in the frozen veggies’ bag
8. A glove filled with beans will replace the motherly love – even if only for a couple minutes
9. A head protector that also looks adorable
10. A creative space for a mini creative mind
11. Colouring their routine: We all need to learn time management
12. Stickers for them to know what’s left from right
13. When chores are fun they look less like child labour
14. From bedsheet to table hammock
15. Catch the drips with a coffee cup lid
16. A dish soap with conditioner for Barbie’s entangled hair
17. An infinite white board made of butcher’s paper
18. Unhooked gaming controllers
19. Car parking made of old toilet paper rolls
20. Keeping them still for a photoshoot: still them with kindness
21. Anti scary-night-monster spray
22. Print their graduation year in a massive t-shirt and take yearly pictures as they grow old enough to fill it up
23. A bed sheet for mosquitoe protection
24. A hunting game for when you cannot find your glasses
25. Prevent slippage with slick paint
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